Relationship Coaching Through the Deida Work

At the turn of the century, a significant portion of the population lived on farms. Men worked with men; brothers, uncles, cousins, dads. Women spent a significant amount of time with women; household chores, raising children, etc.

Men born after World War II found themselves in a society that was much more urbanized. Fathers, uncles, brothers, and cousins were more likely to be separated from each other in the workforce. Men had a further misfortune of growing up during the only era of recent Western history in which it was not always a good thing to be a male. This was primarily the result of significant family and social changes in the post war era: boys were disconnected from their fathers and other healthy male role models, and boys were forced to seek approval from women and accept a female definition of what it meant to be male.

Boys came home from school and their mothers were in charge. Furthermore, a considerable number of teachers in the educational system are women. So, boys had greater influence from women than in previous eras. What boys learned was that it was important to get approval from women, to be a nice guy.

Dr. Robert A. Glover, in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy, explains

Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others. Nice guys are concerned about looking good and doing it right. They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice guys avoid conflict like the plague, and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone.

According to Dr. Glover, nice guy behaviors include “caretaking, giving to get, fixing, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, seeking approval, and hiding mistakes.”

Along with Dr. Glover's book, understanding the principles of The Way of the Superior Man can help address the malaise of men today.