Relationship Coaching Through the Deida Work

The play of masculine and feminine can be extraordinarily subtle. If you are the feminine partner, the style and structure of how to enhance these qualities in an intimate relationship depends on your willingness to relinquish your masculine direction. If you are the masculine partner, you want to relinquish your feminine.

Here is an example based on an exchange that went on in a workshop:

A woman wanted to know why her partner was turned off in an occasion where they were on vacation. It was winter and they had a cabin in the woods. They were out for several hours and returned to find that the wood in the fireplace had burned down. As they entered the cabin, she said ever so sweetly “Honey, could you put more wood on the fire?”

That certainly sounded sweet enough, so why wouldn’t he want to put more wood on the fire? The reality is that very subtly she is giving him direction. She was telling him what to do rather than expressing how she felt.

Think about it, he takes her direction and puts more wood on the fire. It’s as though he has fulfilled her wish but has also been told what to do. Let’s not nitpick about this being right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong.

If you are a masculine person, there is a difference between being asked or ‘told’ what to do, or responding to the feminine’s need to be fulfilled emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually.

In the case of the cold cabin couple, just a simple “I’m cold…” would have been enough to inspire him to literally chop down the forest to bring her warmth.

Try to bring more awareness to verbal communication, tone of voice, eye contact, facial and body expression, touch, sounds, timing and the intensity of your presence.

Look for upcoming posts as we go more into depth about how you can use each of these forms of communication to effectively deepen your relationship.