Relationship Coaching Through the Deida Work

The following is an excerpt of Chapter 1: God off David Deida's soon to be release book Instant Enlightenment.

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What does it mean to open to God, or to love God?

Imagine somebody you love the most in your life, perhaps your child, your mother, your lover, or best friend. Feel what it is to love that person.

Now, pick an object near you, like this book, or the floor beneath you, or a pillow nearby. Love whatever object you choose with the same intensity with which you love your most-loved person.

You may feel strange loving a book, floor, or pillow so fully, but you can do it. Practice loving until you feel your chosen object with the same love you offer your most-loved friend.

When you can love an object as fully as your most-loved person, then practice loving the space around you. Love the space extending instant enlightenment in front of you, behind you, left and right of you, above and below you. Love outwardly in all directions, with the same feeling with which you open to your most-loved person.

Then practice loving everything within you—even your darkest secret places of shame and perversity—with the same love you offer to your most-loved person. This may take some time, or you may be able to do it right away.

If you love one person, you can love God. God is everything and what is beyond everything—all of which you can love. Love everything and everyone that you know and don’t know, and you are loving God. Open to everything inside and outside of you, even the unknowable mystery beyond everything. Open to feel and love all, the visible and the unknown, and that is opening to God, or loving God.

Every day, set aside a few moments to do this: Start by feeling the person you love the most. Then, offer your same fullness of love to objects, to other people, and to the space instant enlightenment around you, eventually loving inwardly and outwardly with no end.

Every instant you love so fully is enlightenment. But because you are used to contracting your feeling due to habit, in the next instant you may suddenly find yourself absorbed in picking your nose or scratching your chin as you work for world peace by writing your congressman.

Your loving may be truncated for days as you become lost in duties and chores, or mired in emotional turmoil, or gloating in brief success.

Instant enlightenment is to love, right now, as if you were loving your most-loved person. No matter what you are feeling or experiencing, you can love without holding anything back. This is what it means to love God.

You may find your attention absorbed in passing events—raising a family, succeeding at a career, talking, sexing, or eating. You may not be opening to God for the sake of your instant enlightenment temporary experience. Your ever-changing life never quite fulfills you for good, and you know it.

So start by feeling the person you love the most, and open to include every aspect of each moment in the openness of your love.

Offering yourself open in this way is instant enlightenment.

When you put these three words into your vocabulary with regards to intimacy and relationships, you will begin to experience another level of consciousness.

When you see an intimate relationship as something to be cultivated and the open-heartedness stabilized, you will begin to sustain a relationship that is satisfying, healing and, I might dare say, ecstatic. Know your sexual core in intimacy, be it masculine or feminine.

Once it is clear to you whether you most reside in your masculine or in your feminine with regards to intimacy, then you will have a greater understanding of the dynamic between you and your chosen partner.

Stop hoping for completion of anything in life.

“The masculine error is to think that eventually things would be different in some fundamental way”

As long as we are on the earth, we will always be subjected to constant change and the unpredictable. The challenge is to keep your heart open in each present moment while moving forward to do what you believe in.

What is your calling? What is your passion? When you know this, you can face the constant change and unpredictability of ‘her’ – as in life on ‘mother earth’

Are you willing to do what you need to do to live a life that is fully given? Are you doing what you need to do to die complete? If this is your last moment, can you say that you have lived your deepest purpose with daring and imagination? Have you been resourceful and creative in aligning your purpose with your work, family and partner? If you stop hoping for completion of anything, that you will stop trying to control that which cannot be controlled. You must simple reach within your heart to find humor in the unending unpredictability of life on earth.

“Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each moment degrades your clarity of purpose”

The book that is most recommended to understanding the principles of enlightened intimacy is ‘The Way of the Superior Man’. The title in no way is to suggest that man is superior to woman. Rather, it defines in clear terms what it is that both women and men find to be superior in a person with a masculine essence.

We all have some masculine and some feminine but most men tend to have more masculine traits than feminine. In enlightened intimacy, the traits of both feminine and masculine are ultimately at their core the notion ‘how can we create more love?’

How can we cultivate it, sustain it and stabilize it?

The introduction to ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ can be downloaded on the DeidaCentral website. These 12 short pages will give you an overall view on the principles of enlightened intimacy.

If this work speaks to you, your life will never be the same. It is revolutionizing the way men and women relate spiritually and sexually.

In last week’s discussion about our history and its role in how we relate in intimacy, I spoke about the importance of breathing.

This week, I am offering an actual exercise you can do to bring more awareness to your breath. Remember, the breath is your life force. It is the first thing you did when you were born, and exhaling will be the last thing you do when you die.

Imagine your breath as a gift to your partner and all beings. Imagine your breath pervading not just the room but all of existence. Use your breath to open your partner’s body and heart. Fill them with the force of your love as though you were breathing through their body – heart, belly and genitals.

The more ‘full’ your breath is, the more open is the front of your body. Look in the mirror. Inhale fully. Notice your diaphragm expanding as you inhale and your belly rising. Feel your chest expand and open wide. Through a full and relaxed breath, you will bring energy down to the front of your body, which will allow you to be more present and more focused. Breathing shallowly usually is an indication of a busy mind.

If you look closely, people who have charisma in part, draw attention because their breath is full and that life force is magnifying their presence.

I will pose to you the same questions I did last week: In this moment, are you inhaling deeply? Is your belly rising and falling with each breath? The belly or solar plexus is the power point in the body. When you are breathing fully into your belly, it revitalizes this area and you feel stronger and more self-assured.

This probably sounds very elementary, but the more you bring your attention to your breath, the more you will realize that in general you are very likely not breathing fully, and in fact, rather shallowly. The more shallow your breathing, the less oxygen that enters your body and the less life force you have.

If you start bringing attention to your breath when you are interacting with your chosen partner, you will start seeing a difference in how you relate. You can’t help but feel more alive and more present.

Full breathing is a practice. The more you bring your attention to consciously breathe full, the more natural it will become to you. This is the key first step to creating a connection with you and all beings.

From Wednesday, February 14, 2007

"I have met many people who have embraced the principles of 'The Secret' who continue to struggle in their relationships or in finding one. Deep intimacy and connection is born out of an awareness that comes through study and practice. Embracing principles such as keeping your heart open in the midst of feeling pain is a basic principle of the Deida work."

The Masculine/Feminine are like two magnetic poles. In some ways they are like two planets held in orbit by each other by gravity and centrifugal force. The centrifugal force works to keep them apart while gravity pulls them together. It is this wondrous tension of opposing energies that creates polarity.

Understanding that there is always polarity between the masculine and feminine is a key point in recognizing the physics of attraction.

In the midst of these constantly opposing tendencies, deep intimacy requires that partners stay in sincere contact. This is the practice of love. When differences arise, allow your breath to remain full, relax the body and bring consciousness to programmed habits of emotional closure. Practice keeping your heart open, even when there is pain.

This is a basic principle of the Deida work – keep your heart open in the midst of pain.

On Thursday February 8th, Oprah did a show on ‘The Secret’. If you haven’t heard of ‘The Secret’, details can be found on www.thesecret.tv

For those of you who have seen ‘The Secret’, you know that one of the basic tenants is that the universe has more than enough to give everyone everything they want. Also, your thoughts, feelings and actions fuel what is happening in your life. Everything we say sends out a vibration. What we think creates our circumstances. Nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you have.

These principles can be very empowering. But, without understanding the dynamics of intimacy as a spiritual practice, you may find yourself attracting someone who, while they share the principles of 'The Secret', simply cannot communicate with you on the level you so desire. In order for you to apply this knowledge to your intimate relationships, you must first have a clear understanding of the fundamentals of intimate rapport.

I have met many people who have embraced the principles of 'The Secret' who continue to struggle in their relationships or in finding one. Deep intimacy and connection is born out of an awareness that comes through study and practice. Embracing principles such as keeping your heart open in the midst of feeling pain is a basic principle of the Deida work.

To be continued.

Our history and how we relate in intimacy.

Everything we learn about intimacy for most of us is haphazard.

It begins with observing our parents from the time we are born until we are out of the house. For many of us, this was not a pretty picture. Simply being exposed to the behavior of our parents created an imprint in our sub-conscious for which we have had no choice in the matter.

These memories are the most familiar to us. When we begin an intimate relationship, we often believe that we have finally found someone with whom we can create more love and beauty in our life. But all too often, after some time, we find ourselves wondering how we replicated a relationship that wound up being similar to that of mom and dad.

Add to this the influence of religion, school, government, the media, it’s easy to see why there is so much struggle in intimate relationships, high divorce rates and secret/not-so-secret affairs.

Through the study and practice of the work of David Deida, the seemingly endless cycle of disappointment and fighting can come to an end.

Start turning things around now – consciously choose to re-imprint your system.

Here is one way to begin: Breathe. Breathe fully.

The energy that you draw into your body is your breath – our most basic sustenance. Inhale FULLY with your belly extended. Focus. Hold your hands to your belly. You’re your belly expanding as you breathe. Watch the way children breathe, they breathe full into their belly. In this moment, are you breathing shallowly or are you breathing full? It is through your breath that you have the ability to connect to the world, to others and to the present moment. Conscious breathing is the foundation for growing your capacity for intimacy.